


That Is My Nightstick and I Am Not Happy to See You

by MiskatonicMassacre



Series: Lunael Cops & Crooks AU [2]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Criminal Michael, Fake AH Crew, GTA!AU, M/M, Police Officer Miles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 21:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7454971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiskatonicMassacre/pseuds/MiskatonicMassacre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Michael gets the better of him at the police station, Officer Luna is eager for a chance to put the criminal in his place. A sequel to Is That Your Nightstick or Are You Just Happy to See Me?</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Is My Nightstick and I Am Not Happy to See You

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look it's the sequel to that Lunael fic I wrote a while ago. Once again this is all very self-indulgent and I have no regrets

The heist had gone south. Michael’s earpiece had exploded into an unhelpful barrage of noise. Geoff was squawking for everyone to report their positions. Jack was attempting to relay his location, hoping that some of them might still make it to the getaway vehicle. Gavin and Jeremy were shouting under gunfire, while Ryan provided gunfire of his own chuckling happily to himself as he did so. And underneath it all, Michael could hear Ray’s low steady voice rattling off a constant description of his view from atop the building across from the bank. This was the voice Michael attempted to zero in on, as Ray described more and more cop cars pulling up to the scene.

  
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” Michael was chanting softly to himself, his grip on his gun like a vice. He was sprinting away from the back entrance of the bank, praying that no one was pursuing him. He stumbled for a moment. His chest hit the pavement, and his hands stung as his palms scraped the gravel. He didn’t linger though, he gathered his gun and sprang back to his feet. He noticed the lack of noise in his ear right away. His earpiece had fallen out. If he needed to contact the crew for backup he was shit out of luck. Michael was on his own now.

Officer Luna couldn’t believe he still had his job. After he let Michael Jones slip out of holding without bail, he was sure he was going to be fired. But his superiors had been surprisingly kind. Maybe it was because this was only Miles’ first offense. Maybe it was because they themselves knew that any member of the Fake AH crew was a lot to handle. Miles was thankful not to be fired, but his run in with Jones had still left the young officer mortified beyond belief.

  
When the station had received the call that the Fake AH crew was robbing a nearby bank, Miles’ stomach had dropped. It had been two weeks since Jones had gotten the better of him. His fellow officers joked as they got into their squad cars, “Remember Luna, you’re supposed to arrest the criminals not make-out with them.” and Miles had good-naturedly responded, “Hahahaha! Why don’t you go fuck yourself?” Two weeks and he could still feel the ghost of Jones’s mouth on his whenever he laid in bed at night. The criminal hadn’t just left him embarrassed. He’d left him hungry, but not just for another make-out session. Miles was hungry for pay-back.

He was on the scene in no time. Miles scrambled out of his squad car and ducked down immediately as he saw the Vagabond at the front of the bank, unleashing an onslaught of bullets into the nearby officers. The masked man was relentless, and Miles swallowed thickly as he clutched his gun. He was waiting for the man’s seemingly endless ammo to run out. A sharp ting sounded to his right, and Miles turned to see a fresh bullet hole in his car. He squinted at the building across from the bank, searching for that signature purple hoodie and knowing that Narvaez must have been positioned on the roof. Miles crawled quickly away, out of the scope of the sniper and away from the Vagabond’s reign of terror. He managed to circle his way near the back of the bank, and that’s when he saw him. That head full of curls was unmistakable. Michael jones was sprinting down the alleyway behind the bank, and Miles followed without hesitation.

Without the earpiece obstructing his hearing, Michael could hear the pounding of footsteps behind him. He was being chased, and although the footsteps sounded a decent ways away, Michael knew they’d catch up to him soon enough. He kept running. His chest pounded and he thought his heart might explode, but he didn’t dare stop. Michael was weaving in and out of back alleyways now, hoping to either confuse his pursuer or run into a stray vehicle that he might be able to snag. He was burying himself deeper and deeper into the maze of the city.

It felt like he had been running for ages. He had taken so many different shortcuts down so many different streets, that even Michael had no clue where he was by now. He took one more turn and skidded to a stop, the alley in front of him ended in a towering brick wall. He was screwed. A voice behind him shouted, “Freeze motherfucker! This is the Los Santos police!”

  
Michael whipped around, his gun up and ready to blow his pursuer straight to hell. Another gun was poised right back at him, and Michael smirked when he saw who was at the end of it. Officer Miles Luna stood at the mouth of the alleyway, his back to the setting sun. He looked liked he’d been hoping for this ever since their last encounter, and Michael didn’t blame him. The guy must have felt like an idiot after he made his escape.

  
“What’s the matter baby? Miss me?” Michael couldn’t help but taunt. He loved the way the officer’s face immediately reddened at his words.

  
“End of the line, Jones. Put the gun down or I shoot.”

  
Michael scoffed, “Not if I shoot first.”

  
“You know, a gentleman waits for his partner before he blows his load.” And that got Michael to throw back his head with a cackle. After everything, Luna still had the balls to make a sex joke.

  
“Unfortunately for you,” the redhead responded, “I’m no gentleman.”

  
“Oh believe me, I know.”

  
They were caught at a standstill, guns raised and neither one of them ready to back down. Michael searched around the alleyway, looking for any way out that wasn’t past Luna. Miles just waited knowing there was no way for Jones to escape this time.

  
The officer took a tentative step forward just as Michael took an instinctive step back.

  
“Look Jones, I’m not looking for a fight. Just come quietly and maybe we can let you off easy.” It was an obvious lie. Michael was wanted for more crimes than he could count. There was no chance he’d ever get let off easy. He sneered at the very notion of it.

  
“Bullshit.”

  
And yet Miles continued to step towards him, lowering his gun as he did. This caused Michael to hesitate. He wasn’t about to shoot the officer if he didn’t have his gun up, he wasn’t a total piece of shit. Michael was aware that he was running out of space in the alleyway as Miles continued to encroach on him. He glanced around one last time for an escape route. There was none. He would have to act. Michael raised his gun, finger tight on the trigger.

  
It was out of his hand before he could even think of shooting. Miles had knocked it out of his grasp, disarming him easily with the help of an uncanny distraction. There were lips on Michael’s. They were soft yet surrounded by course stubble, and they were very persistent.

  
Mentally, Miles was leaping for joy. He couldn’t believe this tactic had actually worked. Not only was the criminal disarmed but he was putty in Miles’ hands, melting happily into the officer’s kiss. This was unbelievable. This was what Miles had been craving. Michael tasted smokey and coppery and dangerous, and Miles was going to lap every bit of it up.

  
Michael’s back slammed into the brick wall of the alleyway. Hard. He fucking loved it though, grinning into the kiss and pushing back just as roughly. Officer Luna was big though, at least bigger than Michael. The cop leaned his whole weight into the criminal, letting him squirm against the wall.

  
“I’ve been craving this,” Miles breathed right into Michael’s ear, “ever since the station.” And that was music to the other man’s ears. He really did love to just fuck with the cops.

“I bet you have,” he huffed back, his cocky nature taking over.

  
“Oh you have no idea,” Miles replied, his breath hot on Michael’s neck. He sucked and licked at the bare flesh, adoring the moans it elicited from the other man. Michael made to wrap his arms around the other man, hoping to rake his fingers through that thick brown hair. Miles was surprisingly forceful as he denied the shorter man that opportunity. He grabbed the criminal by the wrists and pinned his arms back against the wall. Miles had his whole body weight pressing against the smaller man, who was starting to relax into the wall behind him when suddenly something shifted.

  
Michael was on the ground before he knew it. His lips were abruptly vacant, and the scratch of Miles’ beard was replaced with the scratch of rough gravel. Miles had used his superior bodyweight to throw the other man down. The cop was sitting atop his back, forcing him to stay pinned. With his wrists still in Miles’ grasp, Michael could only squirm against the dirt, and he knew by the sharp clinking sounds he heard, that the officer was now pulling out his cuffs.

  
With his face pressed to the cold city pavement, Michael began to laugh. He deserved this. He absolutely deserved this. He could admit that, and he could also admit that revenge was, in his opinion, totally hot. Miles made sure to secure the handcuffs extra tight, and as they clicked into place he asked, “What’s so funny, Jones?”

  
“Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this,” Michael sniggered, “But I fucking love it when a guy knows how to give as good as he gets.”

  
Miles yanked Michael roughly to his feet, straightening the criminal so he could look him in the eye, “You’re absolutely right, you shouldn’t be telling me that.”

  
Then he dragged him towards the nearest cop car, which happened to be his own. His grip on Michael was like a vice, and Michael commented on it saying, “Strong hands, I like that.” It was worth it just to see that inevitable blush creep up the officer’s neck. Even when he had the upper hand, Miles couldn’t stop his body from betraying him.

  
“You know,” Michael continued, “I probably also shouldn’t tell you that handcuffs are one of my favorite toys for the bedroom.”

  
Miles snorted, “Okay, now you’re just being cute.”

  
Michael’s face cracked into a much too smug grin, “Dude, I’m always cute.”

  
He continued grinning as Miles shoved him into the back of the car, and it was the first time Miles had ever seen a criminal look so gleeful to be in the backseat. That grin persisted as Miles started up the car.

  
“Quit smiling back there. You do realize you’re under arrest right?”

  
“So what?” Michael responded, “This just means we get to spend more quality time together. Maybe we can finally get around to that strip search.” Glancing back in the rearview mirror, Miles saw the other man waggle his eyebrows.

  
“You are by far my least favorite criminal in Los Santos.”

  
“Oh baby, you’re just saying that.”

The first several minutes of the ride passed in idle silence. Michael was staring out the window, a small furrow in his brow as if he couldn’t quite piece together how a kiss like that had landed him in a situation like this. Miles was staring determinedly at the road, forcing himself not to look back at Jones. His stomach felt hollow and jittery and he wished that it would just calm the fuck down. He had Jones in custody. Their little game of cat and mouse was over and he had ultimately won. There was no reason for him to still feel so flushed and nervous. Finally, as they rolled up to a stop sign, Michael spoke.

  
“So what happened back in the alley? That was just payback wasn’t it?”

  
“I was just giving back as well as I got, Jones” The officer strived to keep his voice sounding as stony as possible.

  
“Oh.” The criminal paused for a second and Miles finally allowed himself a glance to the rearview mirror, only to see Michael staring back at him. “Well you sure give back pretty damn well,” he said grinning. The officer felt his cheeks flush and he couldn’t help his curiosity.

  
“How about that stunt you pulled at the station, was that your first time- uh you know, doing something like that?”

  
“Are you talking about kissing a guy, or seducing my way out of a bad situation?” Miles could feel his cheeks go from flushing to burning as Michael’s lips curled into a satisfied sneer.

  
“I was talking about the seduction thing but, I uh-- I just ask cause it seemed like you really knew what you were doing.”

  
“Again, what are you referring to? Kissing guys or getting out of trouble?”

  
“Both?” Miles was very quickly regretting having opened his mouth.

  
Michael chuckled smugly, “You’re such a bitch.”

  
“Hey!” Miles cried, the pitch of his voice jumping with indignity, “May I remind you that you’re the one currently handcuffed in the back of a cop car.”

  
“Psh, for now.” Michael’s eyes met the officer’s in the rearview mirror and Miles had to wonder just what the other man was planning.

  
Silence engulfed the car once more until Michael drawled, “You know you also seemed like you really knew what you were doing.”

  
“Excuse me?”

  
“That stunt in the alley, I’m guessing that’s the first time you ever pulled something like that.”

  
Miles nodded tentatively, unsure where this was going.

  
“Well it didn’t seem like your first time. Maybe you were just waiting for the right person.” And then Michael made sure that Miles was watching him via the rearview mirror before tossing the officer a wink. For a moment, Miles considered driving into the nearest fire hydrant.

  
They passed another block in tense silence before,“So why don’t you just ask what you really want to ask?”

  
“Excuse me?” Miles glanced back again to look the other man in the eye, very aware that his cheeks had only just managed to turn back to their normal color.

  
“Cut the crap, Luna. You wanna know if I would have seduced anyone at that station or if you’re special.”

  
“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Miles tried to laugh off the accusation, his voice sounding much too loud and forced. He could see Michael’s smirk reflected back at him in the rearview mirror, and he knew the other man was not fooled. His laughter dissolved and he decided to take a different approach.

  
“Fuck off, Jones.”

  
Michael’s own laugh echoed throughout the car and Miles’ grip on the steering wheel tightened at the sound of it.

  
It felt like ages before Michael finally stifled his laughter but once he did he said, “If it makes you feel any better, I wouldn’t have.”

  
“Wouldn’t have what?”

  
“I wouldn’t have seduced just anyone at the station.”

  
“Psh, yeah right.” Miles was beginning to question why he was still bothering to converse with the criminal.

  
“I mean it,” Michael insisted, “Sure I was trying to get out of holding, but if I really wanted to I could have found another way to do it.”

  
“Don’t be so cocky.”

  
“Don’t be so naive.”

  
They stared at each other through the lens of the rearview mirror, before Miles sighed, “Alright if you’re such a master escape artist then why did you choose to get out the way you did.”

  
“That’s easy, because it was the fun way.”

  
Miles wanted to ask what that meant but they had reached the station. Officer Gibson approached the car, having heard that Luna had apprehended one of the crew, he was ready to assist if need be. Michael glared at him from inside the car. Miles stepped out of the car and motioned for Officer Gibson to stand back as he unlocked the door to the back. Michael slid out of the back, allowing Miles to grip him tightly around the elbow as he did. Miles lead the criminal away from the car, Officer Gibson falling instep behind them when suddenly, “MILES HE ISN’T--!”

  
Michael’s fist collided with Gibson’s jaw before he could get the rest of his sentence out. Miles stumbled back, knocked aside by the criminal’s sudden movement. He was so stunned by the sudden outburst that he almost didn’t register a pair of lips brush swiftly against his. With a final wink and a muttered, “later babe,” Jones was sprinting down the road away from the Police Station. Miles moved to go after him, but after only a few feet a motorcycle came speeding up. Its driver possessed an all too familiar skull mask, and Miles stood there pitifully as the roars of the throttle mixed with Jones’ cackle of laughter. Both sounds echoed and faded as the pair sped away. Officer Gibson was rolling at his feet, clutching his now blood spurting nose. Miles looked into the back of his squad car. Jones’ empty handcuffs sat glinting on the seat. Next to them was a scrap of paper which read, “I warned you handcuffs were some of my favorite toys.” Gibson was still there howling, “He fucking got away!”

  
All Miles could think to respond was, “When the fuck did he manage to write a note?”

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I do not know how Michael wrote the note or how the crew knew to come get him. The Fake AH crew has their ways I suppose


End file.
